You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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