used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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