thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
