i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize