Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
