this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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