Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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