My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
