Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
