Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
