i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
