laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
