someone get that fucking seahorse.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
how does that bad decision feel?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
