Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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