sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
