mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize