If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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