I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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