He asked to "fluff my boner.."
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I pour the whiskey from now on
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
