actually, I'm a sock model
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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