It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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