thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize