somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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