She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
