I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
