UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
