So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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