You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
