**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I would fuck him just for his dog
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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