Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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