I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
