Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
