I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
