Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
its liver damage thursday
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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