I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
