Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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