you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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