There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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