Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize