Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
