see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
