We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
