he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
