Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize