Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
