Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
kristin has been a bad kristin
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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