I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
