Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I know her cup size but not her name....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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