I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
worst night to have a conscience
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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