sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I wish I only lived at night.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
