My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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