oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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