Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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