I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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