Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
