Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize