$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm passing your future prison.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
