i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
