Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
