So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
