I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just googled if crying burns calories
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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