fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Are we still banned from the library?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
