I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
