all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
