i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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