so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
