The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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